Judging a Book

I am fortunate enough to see and meet a lot of people in my walks of life. One of the things I have noticed more and more are those individuals who constantly complain about their issues/frustrations of who they are trying to date.

As an example, “I go to the gym because I want someone physically fit” then this person complains that who they are dating spends more time at the gym than home with them. Or they complain this person is more concerned about admiring themselves first, thinking about themselves more than their partners or always putting themselves first. When someone is at the gym and they are always having to work out in front of a mirror or can’t pass a mirror without stopping to admire the view, what do you think they are going to be like outside the gym?

Now, I just used the gym as an example. You can substitute any activity in its place like playing video games, always on social media, etc and get the same understanding. Here’s my suggestion, get to know the inside first. Don’t judge them by their looks. So someone isn’t as skinny as you normally like. So they don’t go to the gym everyday or even at all. When we get stuck on how people look as the only reason to date them, don’t bitch when things don’t work out.

Get to know people for who they are and not what they look like. Do they make you laugh? Do they listen? Do they truly care about you or how your day was? Do they make you happy? An most important, do they treat you as an equal? If you can answer yes to these usually means you have found a good one. If not, look elsewhere. If your “type” of person isn’t working, you need to change your type.

Relationships should never be

and most definitely should never be

Neither one of the above scenarios will lead to a healthy relationship. Having absolutely nothing in common won’t make a lasting relationship and having no differences, while easy to understand, also won’t make a lasting relationship. First you both need to be individuals and then you need to have an area where you overlap. This me, them, us scenario usually produces the strongest and longest lasting relationships.

You have who you are as a whole, they have who they are as a whole and then you both share a portion of each other to make the “us” area of our lives.

Relationships are complex and complicated. Don’t give up who you are for them or expect them to give up who they are for you. Find the middle ground while maintaining each individual. And above all, COMMUNICATE.